along with my previously mentioned promotion, came a much welcomed raise, but also many more hours — this is both good and bad. i need the money, but i dread spending even more time away from my heart, caden. i already miss him so much when i am gone, even if it is only for a few hours at a time. the precious pictures in my wallet and his beaming smile on the welcoming screen are nice comforts while at work, but i am still left pondering what he is up to and how he is feeling. i know he will be undergoing several changes and experiencing so many new things for the very first time, especially throughout this first year of his life. i am afraid of missing out on some of his “firsts.” i want to be there, not only to witness all of his successes, accomplishments and milestone achievements, but also to celebrate them. the idea of not being able to do so, gives me this heavy, sinking feeling on my heart — it absolutely drives me insane. i know in the long run, this promotion will be good for both caden and myself. i am also very greatful that my own mom is willing and able to watch caden while i am working. she has been such a blessing, giving me as much peace of mind as possible. monday i will be calling an applicant to, hopefully, set up an interview for her. if all goes well, i hope to be able to get her trained and have the schedule regulated pretty soon. once this happens, i will be working primarily in the mornings and only closing 2 nights a week. i will also have the majority of my weekends off. this new schedule will allow me more time to spend with my love — i am very anxious and eager to work this schedule out! wish me luck.

a smile costs nothing, but creates much good. it enriches those who receive it, without impoverishing those who give it away. it happens in a flash, but the memory of it can last forever. no one is so rich that he can get along without it. no one is too poor to feel rich when receiving it. it creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business and is the countersign of friends. it is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad and nature’s best antidote for trouble. yet it cannot be bought, begged borrowed or stolen, for it is something of no earthly value to anybody until it is given away willingly. some people are too tired to give you a smile. give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

life is funny.

one may follow all the “correct” paths, exerting time and energy above and beyond average expectations and eventually attain what society may refer to as “success.” you know, head off to college, acquire a degree, obtain a career, etc.

OR

one may make what society might refer to as a “mistake,” and more often than not, those who make these “mistakes” do not stop at one “mistake”, but rather, go on to make “mistake,” after “mistake,” after “mistake.”

i am one of these “mistakers.”

here is where the “funny” part comes in. no matter which of the two categories one might find themselves in, or who they may have the world believe that they are, it all boils down to only one. only one? only one what? only one anything. only one thing truly matters at the end of the day. although, this one thing is so very different for each of us. some of us spend our whole lives searching for this one thing, but once you find it, you instantly know, and grasp it, holding onto it forever. this one thing that brings meaning to our lives. this one thing that makes us feel completely comfortable with who we are. this one thing, that, can make us smile at the end of the day, no matter what the day has entailed. for some, it’s a significant other. for others, it may very well be their career. some, it’s their pets, others a more obvious thing, like family. for me, my one thing, just happens to be the greastest “mistake” i ever made.

and at the end of the day, every day, no matter what, this face:

is the one that makes it all okay.

earlier this week my boss asked me if i would be able to meet her for lunch one day. i instantly put on a smile and agreed, refusing to let my anxiety about the situation show. i had no idea what to anticipate. as it turns out, my boss offered me a proposition i could not refuse — a gradual promotion in which i will be able to learn and ease my way into the main management position for my location of the facility for which i work. i am not a stranger to management, having been a manager before, but i feel as though this is a great opportunity for me to not only exercise my leadership ability and management skills, but also to further advance them. i am not typically one to assume a position of authority, i prefer for it to be given, but the specific situation that our facility had recently undergone desperately called for someone to step up and take charge to work on resolving certain issues. i was a little worried about overstepping boundaries, but apparently i took the appropriate amount of initiative and now, am very glad that i did.

well, quite a bit has been going on since my last update. i’m not quite sure where to begin or what all to even include, so i thought i might just highlight a few key points. here it goes:

i went to florida for a week.
i didn’t have a chance to visit with any of my old friends or go to the beach or anything like that, but i did, however, get to spend a lot of time with my family — which was nice. i miss my sister so much. sometimes i wonder what it might be like to move back and wish i could.

i finally met kayla after 5-6 years of communicating over the internet — cool shit.

boys — can’t live with em, can’t live without em.

i need to start searching for a new job.
as much as i hate the idea of working more hours and spending even more time away from caden, i’m afraid i am going to have to. i need more money and a job with benefits. i need to be able to provide a decent life for caden. i want to be able to give him everything he deserves.

i guess that’s all for now.. hopefully it won’t be as long between posts next time!

men are from mars; women are from venus. apparently, i am from neither mars nor venus. i am not, i repeat, am not trying suggest i am a transvestite! ..but seriously, sometimes the ideal thoughts, ideas and/or actions of a typical man leave me baffled. yet at the same time, so do those of a typical woman. so where do i stand? what the hell kind of planet am i from? i do believe that whoever came up with that cliche a long, long time ago definitely had the right idea — men and women are very different in the way they think, act and feel. however, i often find myself somewhere in the middle, stuck, unable to relate to either side. it would be nice if for once, just once, i could find someone who would understand my perspective on things. i am not necessarily even looking for someone who feels the same way, just someone who can understand where i am coming from. ..where are you??

well, i did it! i successfully followed through with getting my hair “chopped off.” i think i like it. although, i am not quite sure it looks equally as wonderful as it feels. i always wondered what compelled a woman to get their hair cut short after having children, but now i fully understand. it really cuts back on the hassle.

it takes less time to fix in the morning when you’re desperately trying to convince your child to take that “morning nap” so you can hop in the shower.
it stays out of baby’s face. (as well as your own!)
you don’t have to worry about pulling it back before partaking in certain activities.
it cuts back on baby’s urge to reach up, grab that long, beautiful flowing hair and yank it.

it’s just easier all around. oh yeah, and let me not forget the main reason i decided to get it cut in the first place — it is a lot cooler without all of that extra hair clinging to the back of your neck. i’ll definitely take the “feel good” option over the “look good” option any day. however, if you would have asked me a year ago which option i would choose, it would have been “look good” without a doubt.

it’s amazing how motherhood really changes a woman — inside and out. ..don’cha think?

lately, it seems as though i’ve been running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. i have been extremely busy, yet when asked what the cause of all this calamity is, i can’t quite seem to put my finger on it. i find myself making “to-do” lists and racking my brain as to try to remember what all i need to get done. i have accomplished a few things this past week that i have been meaning to do for a while now, but there are still other things lingering on my lists that i have yet to do. i just need to find the motivation within myself to do these things and get them out of the way. it’s quite ironic though, because if one were to ask me what these particular things are, my list would seem so much shorter when verbalized than it all is in my head — why is this?

on a completely different note, it is scalding hot outside. due to this recent realization, i have been toying with the idea of getting my hair cut. well, not even necessarily just “cut,” but more along lines of “chopped off.” my hair has gotten quite long — way past my shoulders where i normally keep it. i really had every intention of growing it out long and keeping it up, but this heat is just pushing me to the breaking point. what should i do? ..i’ve asked several people this question, but i’m not quite sure their answers really matter. i’m just going to do what i want to do anyway, and i think i’m leaning more towards the idea of just going for it and chopping it off. it’ll grow back out again eventually, right?

one last thing before i go — my baby is 3 months old today! i can hardly believe it. it seems as though just yesterday i was headed to the hospital to be induced, yet at the same time it feels like i’ve had caden forever. i am so proud of him and all of his recent milestone achievements. he is developing quite the little personality and my heart honestly can’t even hold all of the love i have for him now — it is bursting at the seams. how did i get so lucky as to have such a perfect little boy?? i know every mother thinks their child is perfect, but given my past mistakes and the circumstances leading up to caden’s birth, i honestly couldn’t be more thankful that he has turned out as healthy and intelligent as he seems to be. we are truly blessed. happy 3 month birthday to caden michael fulmer — mommy’s little ray of sunshine.

when i started this blog, i had every intention of updating it regularly on a daily basis — this obviously has not happened. whenever i feel compelled to express myself, i write. lately, it seems as though i just simply do not have anything interesting to write about, and if it’s not interesting to write about, you better believe it’s not worth reading. with that being said, rather than clog up my blog (yeah, that’s right.. i just rhymed) with a bunch of useless half completed thoughts and ramblings, i decided i’d try to wait this bout of writer’s block out. unfortunately, my brain seems to be it’s prime choice for a summer vacation spot. so yeah, that pretty much leaves me sitting here, writing about how i lack interesting thoughts, feelings and/or events to write about….. maybe i’ll have real update by the conclusion of the week. if i don’t happen to be successful in this, i really need to spice things up.